He Never Wins.
He Never Stops
Trying Not To.

Apparel for a guy with a perfect, unbroken record of things not working out. Every shirt is a small monument to a plan that didn’t survive contact with reality

ATTEMPTS: 4,827 WINS: 0 EXCUSES FILED: COUNTLESS CONFIDENCE: UNSHAKEN REFUND REQUESTS: HIS OWN, MANY LUCK: NONE ON RECORD ATTEMPTS: 4,827 WINS: 0 EXCUSES FILED: COUNTLESS CONFIDENCE: UNSHAKEN REFUND REQUESTS: HIS OWN, MANY LUCK: NONE ON RECORD

Fresh Failures

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The Origin Of A Bad Idea

Nobody remembers exactly when he started trying things. They remember, vividly, how each one went. This is the story of a stick figure who refuses to learn — and the merch line that documents every chapter.

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Coming Soon

Never Try Dogs 🌭

A hot dog truck with the same impeccable track record.
Same family, same luck, now with mustard.

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